I’ve recently made the mistake of getting the ‘app’ ‘Tinder’ again. I say again, as I had this app briefly during my second year of university, but soon deleted it after my friends caused mayhem on my account. For those who don’t know, Tinder is a dating app, self described as ‘the fun way to connect with new and interesting people around you. Swipe right to like or left to pass. If someone likes you back, it’s a match!’ Sounds simple enough.
I first heard about this app at the beginning of 2014, after seeing a couple of my housemates swiping to and fro in front of the TV most evenings. We would often go on each other’s accounts, unleashing witty and crude comebacks to cheesy pick up lines from males, usually along the lines of ‘Are you a beaver? Cos dam’. It seemed harmless enough, and so I decided to get it myself. I soon realised that I didn’t quite get the point of this app, after constantly swiping right just because someone had a pet in their picture or had dressed up as the nerdy character Moss from the TV show ‘The IT Crowd’. This, in addition to my friends deciding to swipe ‘yes’ for everyone that popped up one drunken night, led to over 100 matches and a phone that never stopped going off. We eventually all got bored and the app was soon deleted.
A few days ago however, I decided to get it again, after hearing a friend having talked about using it recently. They also told me that they knew couples who had successfully met and started dating through Tinder. Why not try using it properly this time? I thought, you never know. So I tried to be pickier this time around, and I only swiped right for a couple of people before starting a conversation with someone. Let’s call him Tim. Tim seemed nice enough, had similar interests and we kept a conversation up for the rest of the day. Suddenly at the end of the day, he started asking me to send him photos so he could ‘see what it is he’s dealing with’. Although I knew that Tinder had a reputation for being a ‘sex app’, it’s safe to say that this is not what I was expecting on my first day of using it. I politely declined, and made excuses about going to bed, planning to end the conversation for good. However, the next day I woke up to a blunt message from Tim: ‘Guess we’re not talking anymore then’, before stating that he ‘was looking for something physical and nothing long term’. I responded telling him that I didn’t even know what I was looking for yet, as I’ve only had the app for one day, but it all felt a bit much what he was asking me, and that I was sorry, but wasn’t interested. This is when things took a turn for the worse. Tim started to get really angry at me, accusing me of ‘leading him on’, and telling me that I ‘should have been honest from the beginning’.
As well as being extremely baffled as to how I led him on, I was also now pretty angry. Why do some guys feel that they have the right to ask girls they have never met to send them explicit photographs of themselves? And why then do they feel that it is acceptable to have a go at the girl because it is thrown back in their face?
This is pretty much how I responded to Tim; I told him I was sick of guys expecting girls to do things for them and thinking it’s okay to then harass and insult them once they are denied. I blocked him after this, so fortunately I don’t know what torrent of further verbal abuse he had in store, but I’m gad to be rid of him.
So after two attempts at ‘tindering’, it’s safe to say that I’ve given up, yet again. As I’m aware, many people are successful on this dating app, and maybe it is possible if you persevere. Maybe this app is also for the thick skinned, who are better at ignoring or shooting down the idiotic, egotistical males. I don’t know whether I ‘led’ Tim on or not. Maybe I should have been more explicit in saying ‘no’ rather than skirting around the subject and trying to ignore him. However, I still stand by the fact that no one deserves to be shouted at simply for refusing to expose themselves to a complete stranger.